A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Day Trader Forum

Paula Masso Carnes aka Pjeanneus

Day trading is a like a wild day at the amusement park. You get on dozens of rides and enjoy the thrills. But there is one big difference between a roller coaster and a day trade – day traders aspire to get off at a higher level than they get on.

I did biotech investment research for one of the original day traders. We bought and sold dozens of stocks every day and rarely held any one stock more than a few minutes to a few hours, thus the name “day trading.” My boss was one of the best. For a couple of years he won free tickets to the super bowl as the top day trader. This didn’t mean he made the most money – just made the most trades.

The roller coaster ride is stressful and addicting. Some days we flat-lined. My drug of choice for flat-lining was comic relief, and, to my relief, comedy was in great supply. As you read these jokes taken from the stock market message boards, you will find yourself agreeing with PDeSilly, who wrote, “Am I not yet mad?”

Day Trader Monikers – My Top Picks








Stock Market Purgatory – Bad Trade Days

  • Six Flags over NAZDAQ. Hold ooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn…

  • Never buy stocks if you have to pray to get them to go up. God is not interested.

  • ABGX has changed their ticker symbol to TURD.

  • ADRX has fallen and can’t get it up.

  • I’m gonna start a website: http://www.support_my_losing_daytrading_habit.org

  • Tasty Cake sponsored a health fair to measure cholesterol.

  • There is a bad FDA report just out. Last person out please shut off the lights.

Stock Market Heaven – Good Trade Days – Not Many Make It

  • No need for cancer drugs anymore. The mice have been cured and will outlive the humans.

  • Companies should be marketing their cancer cures for dogs in pet stores.

  • A bull trap is being set during the early part of the week. It will be some bear feast.

  • Thanksgiving report: Investors feasted on retail stocks, airlines, and financials, though technology remained the entre of choice.

Stock Market Flames – Hell on the Grill

  • The truth is NAZDAQ is corrupt until proven stupid.

  • howe did uya evr lern to speek englelish? pleeze goa back to yer turd wurld cuntry and cumplete furst gerade agin

  • Let me tell you something, basher, it sounds like English, it even looks like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re blabbering.

  • Your life is so dull you can write your diary a week in advance.

  • When your boat comes in you will be at the airport.

  • Hey, Joe, why don’t you drop CEGE an email and request they begin development of a vaccine to fight extreme stupidity.

  • You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. I will never get over the shame of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. Lepers avoid you.

  • Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly.

  • You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You’re a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You have the personality of wallpaper.

  • Bla bla bla bla yakkin and shmackin!

Stock Market Advice – How to Avoid Hell

  • The hot tip is, “Don’t listen to any tips. Tipping is for cows, waiters, and lap dancers.”

  • By your post it is easy to see you are a “Viragen” in biotech investing.

  • If another terrorist attack happens I’ll give you DNA pills to protect you from the axis of evil. No need to worry about your life any more because DNA will be the future based on this miracle drug.

  • Biotechs are mating for survival.

  • A dead cat bounce is unlikely since the cat is getting mighty stiff from all that bouncing.

  • Someone made a great obesity drug that competes and beats REGN. If you want to loose weight go short on REGN and watch it every morning soaring high. This will create enough stress to loose many layers of fat.

  • I’m trying fast food, that should give me a little bit more time.

  • I made a horrible mistake. I looked at the patent application. Then I made a worse mistake. I looked at table 8. My eyes now seem to be permanently crossed. I have either suffered brain damage or reached satori. I’m not sure yet – just sokonfused.

  • It is important to know and learn from the past, so as not to make the same mistakes in the future. The past tells us that when everyone is excited about a stock IT’S TIME TO GET OUT (WHILE YOU HAVE PROFITS TO TAKE)

  • The successful test was hopefully in dogs, not rats. I’d expect that the market for rat kidney medicine is exceedingly small.

  • I finally got through on the phone and got to speak to the head honcho himself. He told me he was suffering from an incurable disease. It is a very rare disease that affects only wealthy stockbrokers and fund managers, the “pump and dump syndrome.” It sounds like a gastrointestinal malady, but I cannot find the syndrome in any medical books.

  • Is there any way to save a keyboard if a can of Pepsi falls into it? Reply: -unplug it – wash with distilled water – let dry.

  • We have run out of things to talk about. We are just babbling to hear our heads rattle.


3 thoughts on “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Day Trader Forum

  1. Certainly a wonderful post! Thanks for sharing! I routinely read
    your blog posts but never ever been overwhelmed to comment one.
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    Keep sharing such articles in future as well!

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